What is an unhealthy relationship?


Information replicated with permission from Family Planning. 
An unhealthy relationship looks and feels unbalanced. There is an imbalance of power and control. One or both partners may use threats, intimidation abusive or violent language or name calling.

Here are some factors in a healthy relationship:

  • They tell you that you’re really great looking
  • You can be yourself and you don’t have to pretend you’re someone you’re not
  • You feel really good with them
  • They make you feel really wanted
  • They like your family
  • When you are stressed out they listen and support you
  • They like being seen with you
  • You really like their friends and you feel relaxed and comfortable with them

Here are some factors in an unhealthy relationship:

  • You know they’re not the partner you want but you think you can change them
  • You stay with them because it’s better than being alone
  • Getting physical together is the most important thing
  • They make the decisions about where to go and what to do
  • When you are with them you end up arguing all the time
  • They’re always breaking up and you’re always having to make up again – and it’s always your fault
  • They put you down and make fun of you
  • You get embarrassed when you hang out in public
  • You haven’t got time for anything or anyone else
  • When you’re with their friends they ignore you or humiliate you
  • You couldn’t talk about condoms or contraception, it would be too embarrassing
  • They really get jealous when they see you talking to other people
  • They say bad things about your family
  • They tell you what to do and what to wear
  • They tell people bad things about you that aren’t true – like how and when you have sex

Positive Relationship Quiz:

Whether you are in a long-term or casual relationship, you deserve to be treated well and ensure that you are treating your partner respectfully. Take the quiz to see how healthy your relationship is.

Quiz courtesy of the Family Violence: It's Not Ok website http://www.areyouok.org.nz/home.php